Battle.Net Rants

Preface

First of all, I'd like to say that thanks to Battle.net, I've had hundreds of hours of multiplayer gaming fun for absolutely free. Battle.net indeed makes this entire page possible, as I would not be playing StarCraft without it. That said, Battle.Net is the worst multiplayer gaming service in the world, free or not. I'm going to tell you why.

Server and Lag Issues

Battle.net is composed of ten seperate master servers which are hosted by three different companies, all Blizzard partners. The companies are Exodus (4), Telia (3), and AT&T (3). The servers are all supposed to filter into one main database, so records and users should be able to interact regardless of the server they're on. This was the case before the release of Diablo 2 this summer. Since then, Battle.net has become an absolute overloaded, laggy hell, with massive server splits. Server splits occur when servers from one company no longer communicate with servers from another company, so if I'm on Exodus and my friend's on AT&T, we won't even know the other is on. This also carries over to games, because my record on Exodus can be quite different from another server, and it can days for it to catch up, if it does at all. This makes for a very unreliable, unenjoyable experience. Battle.net is free, but so is a kick in the ass. Does that mean if I get a kick in the ass, I can't complain? Fuck that mentality. Furthermore, Battle.net is extremely flaky, and gives disconnects often times for no apparent reason. I have a constant DSL connection and I have never intentionally disconnected on my current account... yet I have 14 disconnects.

Get used to seeing this screen.

Etiquette

This should actually have "or lack thereof" added to the title. People on battle.net are assholes. I believe that people in the world are basically good, but the fuckers on battle.net are basically bad. I don't know if all the bad people just love b.net or if being on the computer makes people pricks, but being a jerkoff is the norm on b.net. There are regularily spam-bots in all the public channels. Well experienced players will create losing accounts in order to trap newbies into playing them for their own satisfaction. People constantly accuse me and my friends of hacking, when we're not even really that good. People scream obscenities and disconnect in games if they lose. People are plain cocks in chat rooms, and everyone thinks they're the shit. 95% of b.net isn't shit unless they team up on newbies in public games, and clans are gay too. B.net just seems to be filled with lamers and there is no escaping it.

The average public Battle.net channel, filled with stupid spambots.

Hacking

I can't wait for a new version of BW to come out so the hacks will be ended, at least temporarily. Hacking is so rampant now that not only do people hack, they don't even try to hide it. I've had four partners in the last week admit to me they were hacking, and we were on the same team! People will intercept drops or suspiciously attack expansions at the perfect time, making it quite obvious that they hack, and not even try to hide it. Sometimes they're even proud of it. Worst of all, there is a double-disconnect hack which gives the hacker a disconnect but also everyone else in the game. This is perfect for shitty players, because it's the "if I can't win no one can" attitude. I just think it's pathetic that people care about their records that much, and I wish these 11-year olds would discover masturbation so they would leave b.net the fuck alone.

Ladder

The Brood War ladder has been quite the joke for several seasons now, and it just keeps rolling on. The top ten players ALL map hack and win trade, it's obvious and everyone knows it, and that's why all the professional players play on KALI and not b.net anymore. The ladder is the most corrupt joke of a ranking system ever concocted, and it's a disgrace that prizes are even still offered for the winners. Fuck the ladder and everything about it. Shove your rating up your ass.

Yeah, OK. Notice the stunning number of undefeated records and records with but one loss. I'm sure there's no win trading going on there.

Getting A Game

The only maps ever played are Big Game Hunters (with many retarded variations) and The Lost Temple. Both maps are gay, but one is for "newbies" and one is for "gosu" players. Gosu is Korean for "elite," in case you're wondering. Why are Korean words slang on b.net, you ask? Because the whole fucking ladder is Koreans, and over half of the SC players on b.net are Korean. No one knows why, but SC is astonishingly popular in South Korea. At any rate, getting a game on a fair, legit map like original Hunters, Rivalry, Dire Straits, or Winter Conquest is damn near impossible. How can people find playing the same map over and over and over again entertaining? All it does is hone your skill perfectly for that ONE map, and then you realize you suck ass if you play one you don't know. How quickly these little bitches go from "gosu" to "chobo (bad)."

Isn't there a wide variety of games available? Notice that of the eleven games shown, eight are BGH or a variant.

All in all, fuck Battle.net and everything about it. I honestly think Blizzard should get their shit together as far as online philosophy, because they have thousands of dissatisfied customers.